Cads Electrocuted. Badly.

Cadavers(12) vs Shock
Monday August 1
Dedham 9:00pm


0-11 loss (yup… that’s right)


The Dead in Red showed up in Dedham last night looking to stay over 500 (5-5-1) and faced the Shock, a group we hadn’t seen for a few months. The Shock were sporting their slick new jerseys, Reebok NHL style with a great new logo, a lightning bolt zapping a skeleton. Schlidaveur management immediately had thoughts of copyright infringement but the lighting bolt was clearly a central part of the logo… so the team lawyers advised against it.

The Shock have a bunch of Mooks that we’ve seen before in a bunch of different configurations, but clearly they have a healthy amount of talent on the roster. Baker commented to Jeff pregame that they had a bunch of really good guys. Baker’s words would be prophetic and it wasn’t long before we found out just how good they were.
Jeff has also decided he may not want to remind the scorekeeper to write down the times of the goals… the scorekeep, Charlie did just as he asked… too bad there were no goals written on the Cadaver side of the sheet.

Here’s a roster breakdown.
Randy Dudek – from the goalie list in Net
D1: Baker, George
D2: Bauer, Fosdick
O1: Scott, Ken, and Elliot
O2: Sully, Larry, and Gregson
Nelson floated between lines.

Well… it took almost no time at all for the Shock to show their class and ability as the their large fat defenseman, number 77, a blockhead named Chris Baron found his way to the box after tripping one of the Cads. Of course he had plenty to say on the way and was clearly just getting his stupid into gear. He would go again only a couple of minutes later when he and Bauer tangled down low in the offensive zone. Bauer came across and Baron planted him with a total crosscheck takedown. Again he had plenty to say along the lines of “slash me again and see what happens’ and more eloquent brilliance as he went to the box. Apparently someone had the gaul to make contact with him. It was difficult not to as A. he takes up so much space, and B he can’t move his fatness very fast one way or the other. He would be only emboldened however as his teammates would be soon to show the flash and ability they had.

The Shock would get on the board when number 24, their no face shield wearing D would get it going and start to take us apart. First he would take the puck at the blue line and turn Jeff like a carousel and flip one past the keeper for the 1-0 lead. A pair of shifts later he would take a loose puck and slide into the slot and unleash a laser that beat Randy cold.

Number 24, Sean Curran was another genius on the Shock and he seemed to be all lathered up to put a hurt on the Red, because apparently we tried to play hard against them, even though we clearly were a step below in talent. Sean is a great player. He’s fortunate that he’s still in his youth, ( I guess mid-late twenties) and the extra weight he carries hasn’t hurt him much yet. He can turn it on whenever he wants and dominate, and coast the rest of the time and have the game well in hand.
Give him another 10 years and he wont be able to move as well when he needs it and will probably turn into a maladjusted pathetic version of the player he could have been who takes a lot of frustrated penalties and doesn’t do much for his team, except add to the class they show on the ice of course.

However that will be down the road, and last night he and the rest of the Shock had more than enough to put a serious hurt on the very pathetic looking Cadavers. It was 3-0 at the end of the first and the Cads were pretty clear on the fact that they’d be fortunate if they could hold them to only 3 a period.
The second would see the Shock land another 3 exactly and their bench was still whooping with the goals up until the 5th, because again, apparently we had the nerve to try against them, as futile as that was. Baker would go for a trip, and Bauer for a slash during the second. I think only one of their 3 goals in that period was on the PP.
6-0 after 2. Baker was melting down by the end of the period and had to be hosed off between periods due to some stupid disagreement with one of the refs. Thankfully he pulled it together and didn’t get himself ejected.

The Shock would keep afer it, and continued to show their class, as they landed two goals in the first 3 minutes of the 3rd. They would send a guy to the box for a slash but the Red had nothing on the PP. The Shock would land another 3 goals, all a bit shakey in the last 5 minutes as the Red clearly had had enough and were ready to be done.

There would be one more classy move on the Shock’s part. Number 10, Derek Phillipon would blatantly cross check Bauer from behind in our own slot in an epic cheap shot with less than a minute left on the clock. Like I said… classy. Nothing like beating a team 11-0 and then taking cheap hacks at them as time winds down. Curran and Baron (24 and 77) had all kinds of things to say during the handshakes too showing true sportsmanship and class all the way.

All I can say is, there may be a chance at redemption somewhere down the road. Douchbaggery begets douchbaggery and really… that’s no way for us to go. Our only option against a team that much better than us is to shut up, play hard and try to socre a goal. Last night wasn’t a horror show, but it sure was embarrasing.

The only bright spoot was beer from Dr. Pounds and Larry Minivan Bell. Ice cold Limeys to sooth the sting and burn of the beating we just took. Thanks guys.

To quote Bauer postgame “ It wasn’t much fun in the bouncy house tonight”
True Fax.